plays
A selection of short play extracts
splendour - or rats - EXTRACT
Surreal in modern setting, at a time of food crisis and economic hardship.
Characters
SIMON 35 – a dreamer
ROBERT 40 – pragmatic
ROBERTA 40 – Robert’s wife
GIRL lost, innocent/angelic. Came off the street.
Place
Robert’s home in New York.
ACT I
Scene 1
Setting:
The stage is a room in Robert’s house. At the back is a table, on it a set of rosary beads. On stage left is a window. A simple kitchen chair is in the middle of the room. The main door is on stage right towards the back of the stage.
At Rise:
Simon is standing by the window. Robert is standing away from the chair on the right hand corner near the front of the stage.
SIMON
Did you see that light?
ROBERT
What light?
SIMON
That light
Pointing, right into the middle of the window
ROBERT
Standing diagonally opposite the window about a meter away
I can’t see anything
SIMON
Of course you can’t, you’re too far. Come over here and you’ll see. Hey! There’s another one. Wow! This one was brilliant! What a mighty flash!
ROBERT
Edging nearer but not close enough to be peering out properly; seems to be cautious, almost frightened.
Where? Where? I still can’t see anything.
SIMON
I told you. You’re too far. Come right here and you’ll see. Here, here, it’s flashing again!
ROBERT
Edging nearer still.
I still can’t see anything.
SIMON
Ach, you’re hopeless. You’re not really interested. Be honest.
looks out of the window again, aware of his friend’s bafflement.
You moron, you’ll never see anything with this feeble attitude. You need to watch, search; look hard... otherwise all you see is your own routine. If you can’t discern these flashing lights, your life is dull as the grave, and you end up chasing rats all day long. And that’s an illusion if there’s ever been one.
ROBERT
How’d you mean, chasing rats?
steps back from the window, utterly bemused.
SIMON
Rats! You know, all the things we’re after in this life, money, food, papers, wife, kids, entertainment…The lot! Rats, you know, things that don’t matter! And then, there’s your job for a grave!
ROBERT
Moves back to sit on chair in the middle of the stage, puzzled.
And what are you chasing? Some imagined flashes of light in the sky? As if flashing lights would get you anywhere.
Gets up, swings chair towards front of the stage, steadies it then walks back to his previous position on the right hand side, front stage.
SIMON
Moves away from window. Sits on chair, tilting it a little diagonally to face his friend. Voice considered and serious.
You see..... light is everything. You can only see it when you’re naked.
ROBERT
How do you mean, naked? What’s being naked to do with seeing light?
SIMON
Naked, naked, you know, naked of all your ideas, you moron! I am not referring to clothes. I am referring to notions, notions. The whole world is full of notions…ideas galore! It’s like trying to elbow your way through the crowds in Oxford Street, for the thickness of people. You feel you suffocate for lack of space and fresh air.
Are you surprised terrorists are splashing themselves up amongst us? Too many notions, too much thinking and too many ideas. May be the explosions will clear them up!
ROBERT
You’re mad. Are you advocating suicide bombs for the pursuit of your idea of nakedness?
SIMON
No I don’t. But you must admit, we’re practically ready to vomit with the diet of ideas we’re fed on. And who knows, may be suicide bombs will clear our heads of notions.
You can’t see, you can’t breathe, you can’t think for yourself, for the explosion of information in our lives…!
Give me one man who’s not full of ideas he never thought up for himself! And all that striving for originality…. We’re sick with piles for the effort, though we’ve practically forgotten how to be original! It only goes to show. Strip them all off, that’s what I say!
Characters
SIMON 35 – a dreamer
ROBERT 40 – pragmatic
ROBERTA 40 – Robert’s wife
GIRL lost, innocent/angelic. Came off the street.
Place
Robert’s home in New York.
ACT I
Scene 1
Setting:
The stage is a room in Robert’s house. At the back is a table, on it a set of rosary beads. On stage left is a window. A simple kitchen chair is in the middle of the room. The main door is on stage right towards the back of the stage.
At Rise:
Simon is standing by the window. Robert is standing away from the chair on the right hand corner near the front of the stage.
SIMON
Did you see that light?
ROBERT
What light?
SIMON
That light
Pointing, right into the middle of the window
ROBERT
Standing diagonally opposite the window about a meter away
I can’t see anything
SIMON
Of course you can’t, you’re too far. Come over here and you’ll see. Hey! There’s another one. Wow! This one was brilliant! What a mighty flash!
ROBERT
Edging nearer but not close enough to be peering out properly; seems to be cautious, almost frightened.
Where? Where? I still can’t see anything.
SIMON
I told you. You’re too far. Come right here and you’ll see. Here, here, it’s flashing again!
ROBERT
Edging nearer still.
I still can’t see anything.
SIMON
Ach, you’re hopeless. You’re not really interested. Be honest.
looks out of the window again, aware of his friend’s bafflement.
You moron, you’ll never see anything with this feeble attitude. You need to watch, search; look hard... otherwise all you see is your own routine. If you can’t discern these flashing lights, your life is dull as the grave, and you end up chasing rats all day long. And that’s an illusion if there’s ever been one.
ROBERT
How’d you mean, chasing rats?
steps back from the window, utterly bemused.
SIMON
Rats! You know, all the things we’re after in this life, money, food, papers, wife, kids, entertainment…The lot! Rats, you know, things that don’t matter! And then, there’s your job for a grave!
ROBERT
Moves back to sit on chair in the middle of the stage, puzzled.
And what are you chasing? Some imagined flashes of light in the sky? As if flashing lights would get you anywhere.
Gets up, swings chair towards front of the stage, steadies it then walks back to his previous position on the right hand side, front stage.
SIMON
Moves away from window. Sits on chair, tilting it a little diagonally to face his friend. Voice considered and serious.
You see..... light is everything. You can only see it when you’re naked.
ROBERT
How do you mean, naked? What’s being naked to do with seeing light?
SIMON
Naked, naked, you know, naked of all your ideas, you moron! I am not referring to clothes. I am referring to notions, notions. The whole world is full of notions…ideas galore! It’s like trying to elbow your way through the crowds in Oxford Street, for the thickness of people. You feel you suffocate for lack of space and fresh air.
Are you surprised terrorists are splashing themselves up amongst us? Too many notions, too much thinking and too many ideas. May be the explosions will clear them up!
ROBERT
You’re mad. Are you advocating suicide bombs for the pursuit of your idea of nakedness?
SIMON
No I don’t. But you must admit, we’re practically ready to vomit with the diet of ideas we’re fed on. And who knows, may be suicide bombs will clear our heads of notions.
You can’t see, you can’t breathe, you can’t think for yourself, for the explosion of information in our lives…!
Give me one man who’s not full of ideas he never thought up for himself! And all that striving for originality…. We’re sick with piles for the effort, though we’ve practically forgotten how to be original! It only goes to show. Strip them all off, that’s what I say!
can you see those dark eyes?
A surreal play in a natural setting
Cast of Characters
CHARLOTTE 40 married to Peter works at a retreat centre
PETER 42 playwright, Charlotte’s husband
BARNY Gorilla – mystical character
STUART Boy – guest and mystical character
AGNES Visitor – Jehovah Witness type
HILARY Visitor – Jehovah Witness type
Place
Charlotte and Peter’s home in ordinary British town
Time
Mid autumn
ACT I
Scene 1
Setting: empty stage.
At Rise: Charlotte, feisty and agitated pacing up and down across the stage.
CHARLOTTE
I’ve told him a million times over, I don’t want to hear about anything bad: dark eyes, dark thoughts, bad dreams…. What I want is light; yes, lovely, kindly things, beautiful things. I have enough coming to grips with my own nasty thoughts.
Remember being locked in the cupboard under the stairs, father’s lashes waiting for me when I came out? I was little then and knew no different. Goodness, light - they were all the same. No, I must push those thoughts away. He will never understand if I tell him. I’m better off with him thinking all’s well with me, all is sweet.
How I long for the kindness of heaven, for the light of the rolling spheres!!
And that Gorilla, keeps appearing in my dreams trying to convince me that good is evil and evil is good when I know plain as plain can be, this can’t be right, but he sounds so convincing!! He keeps saying I will come to no harm…..And there is mum always saying, ‘you must be prim and proper, prim and proper…. I can’t stand this any longer. ….(to herself) Stop it, now stop it….
DON’T THINK OF THIS ANYMORE!!!!!
Where’s Peter, Peter??? Where are you????
Stops, looks around. Runs off stage.
Scene 2
The stage is a living room of a Victorian home furnished in modern style. One armchair on stage right. Another armchair diagonally opposite; a small settee, back stage and a television on stage left.
CHARLOTTE
I just can’t understand this girl! I offer to make her a cup of tea and all she can do is complain about a little spilt tea in her saucer.
The prim little goose! Goes waves her back side round the clubs all night and cares about a bit of tea spilt in her saucer? How do you reconcile this set of attitudes?? Beyond me!!
Peter! Are you listening?
PETER
What?
CHARLOTTE
I am trying to tell you something.!
Ach well, your head’s always in your next play.
PETER
Sorry. What did you say?
CHARLOTTE
That girl at the office, Marge, she’s so pernickety. There I am trying to think of something suitable for the monthly magazine; something soothing, something cheerful and all she can go on about is a bit of tea spilt in her saucer!
PETER
Oh, don’t bother with her.
CHARLOTTE
No, maybe I shouldn’t but she does get on my nerves.
PETER
Do not worry about any of it, darling.
How is the magazine going?
CHARLOTTE
Ah, it’s good. I’ve got the perfect editorial shaping itself in my head. It will create that wonderful image of peace and tranquillity! Ideal for promoting our retreat centre.
PETER
Yes, that does sound great! And that Marge you can just ignore her.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah, I think I’ll take your advice on that. How’s your play going?
PETER
Oh, I’ve got so many crazy ideas but I’m not sure how to pull them together. I pace up and down here for hours but nothing seems to work.
Oh, by the way, something weird has been happening to me. I keep seeing something like dark eyes everywhere.
CHARLOTTE
You keep seeing what?
PETER
Dark eyes flickering here and there but mostly under the armchair. Actually, here they are, right now, under the armchair. Can you not see them?
CHARLOTTE
Peter, what are you talking about?
PETER
These dark eyes. Look and see for yourself.
CHARLOTTE
I can’t see anything. Your mind is just full of all those stories you’re trying to work out, or else you are going mad.
PETER
Charlotte I promise you, I am not making this up. I can see them looking at me. Sometimes they are friendly and sometimes they are scary like demon eyes.
CHARLOTTE
Has anything been troubling you? I reckon that might bring this thing on. And by the way, demons’ eyes are red or maybe green, not dark.
PETER
How do you know have you seen any?
CHARLOTTE
No, but I just know. Now, can we leave this subject please? A bit shaky.
A cup of tea won’t go amiss.
Cast of Characters
CHARLOTTE 40 married to Peter works at a retreat centre
PETER 42 playwright, Charlotte’s husband
BARNY Gorilla – mystical character
STUART Boy – guest and mystical character
AGNES Visitor – Jehovah Witness type
HILARY Visitor – Jehovah Witness type
Place
Charlotte and Peter’s home in ordinary British town
Time
Mid autumn
ACT I
Scene 1
Setting: empty stage.
At Rise: Charlotte, feisty and agitated pacing up and down across the stage.
CHARLOTTE
I’ve told him a million times over, I don’t want to hear about anything bad: dark eyes, dark thoughts, bad dreams…. What I want is light; yes, lovely, kindly things, beautiful things. I have enough coming to grips with my own nasty thoughts.
Remember being locked in the cupboard under the stairs, father’s lashes waiting for me when I came out? I was little then and knew no different. Goodness, light - they were all the same. No, I must push those thoughts away. He will never understand if I tell him. I’m better off with him thinking all’s well with me, all is sweet.
How I long for the kindness of heaven, for the light of the rolling spheres!!
And that Gorilla, keeps appearing in my dreams trying to convince me that good is evil and evil is good when I know plain as plain can be, this can’t be right, but he sounds so convincing!! He keeps saying I will come to no harm…..And there is mum always saying, ‘you must be prim and proper, prim and proper…. I can’t stand this any longer. ….(to herself) Stop it, now stop it….
DON’T THINK OF THIS ANYMORE!!!!!
Where’s Peter, Peter??? Where are you????
Stops, looks around. Runs off stage.
Scene 2
The stage is a living room of a Victorian home furnished in modern style. One armchair on stage right. Another armchair diagonally opposite; a small settee, back stage and a television on stage left.
CHARLOTTE
I just can’t understand this girl! I offer to make her a cup of tea and all she can do is complain about a little spilt tea in her saucer.
The prim little goose! Goes waves her back side round the clubs all night and cares about a bit of tea spilt in her saucer? How do you reconcile this set of attitudes?? Beyond me!!
Peter! Are you listening?
PETER
What?
CHARLOTTE
I am trying to tell you something.!
Ach well, your head’s always in your next play.
PETER
Sorry. What did you say?
CHARLOTTE
That girl at the office, Marge, she’s so pernickety. There I am trying to think of something suitable for the monthly magazine; something soothing, something cheerful and all she can go on about is a bit of tea spilt in her saucer!
PETER
Oh, don’t bother with her.
CHARLOTTE
No, maybe I shouldn’t but she does get on my nerves.
PETER
Do not worry about any of it, darling.
How is the magazine going?
CHARLOTTE
Ah, it’s good. I’ve got the perfect editorial shaping itself in my head. It will create that wonderful image of peace and tranquillity! Ideal for promoting our retreat centre.
PETER
Yes, that does sound great! And that Marge you can just ignore her.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah, I think I’ll take your advice on that. How’s your play going?
PETER
Oh, I’ve got so many crazy ideas but I’m not sure how to pull them together. I pace up and down here for hours but nothing seems to work.
Oh, by the way, something weird has been happening to me. I keep seeing something like dark eyes everywhere.
CHARLOTTE
You keep seeing what?
PETER
Dark eyes flickering here and there but mostly under the armchair. Actually, here they are, right now, under the armchair. Can you not see them?
CHARLOTTE
Peter, what are you talking about?
PETER
These dark eyes. Look and see for yourself.
CHARLOTTE
I can’t see anything. Your mind is just full of all those stories you’re trying to work out, or else you are going mad.
PETER
Charlotte I promise you, I am not making this up. I can see them looking at me. Sometimes they are friendly and sometimes they are scary like demon eyes.
CHARLOTTE
Has anything been troubling you? I reckon that might bring this thing on. And by the way, demons’ eyes are red or maybe green, not dark.
PETER
How do you know have you seen any?
CHARLOTTE
No, but I just know. Now, can we leave this subject please? A bit shaky.
A cup of tea won’t go amiss.